The Broken Mountain - by the slippery Squid ( A Squid Loaf )
The Puzzle Crypt - by the marvelous Murloc ( Murloc )
The Garden of Misconception - by the jovial Julianoz ( me )
The Final Performance - by the dastardly Death Weapon ( DEATH WEAPONxx )
The Story of the Map
The backstory of this grand adventure is extremely important for any players wishing to embark on this perilous quest.
It is highly recommended you ask a loved one to read this story to you while you lay in bed, so your brain may properly process it and allow you the chance of dreaming about it.
Playing as a group? Organize a camping trip and hire a paid voice actor from craigslist to read it out loud as you all lay around the campfire in your sleeping bags.
Good evening everyone, we are here to tell you all the beloved old tale of Gold Tooth and the Fairy Trollmother.
Our story begins long ago, when a young, eager troll had set out to find the greatest adventure life could offer him. He had traveled for months, from village to kingdom in hopes of finding someone in need of an adventurer such as himself. However, the poor young troll had only found disdain and ridicule, as nobody wanted a smelly creature such as him to help them.
Sad and alone after a year of searching, our young troll was finally ready to give up on finding his adventure. Just as he stood on the edge of the tallest cliff, ready to reunite with his lost parents, a twinkle caught his attention at the edge of his gaze. The young troll stood back in awe, unsure of what he was observing in the sky.
The twinkle grew brighter, beginning to outshine even the stars themselves. Just as he thought he was about to go blind, the twinkle popped into a cloud of sparkling dust and with a wet sound, a beautiful fairy had appeared before him.
The young troll gasped, unable to comprehend what mystifying magic had just occurred before his four innocent eyes.
"Hello young one..." said the fairy with a voice as soft as gravel.
The young troll was stunned, utterly enamoured by the gorgeous creature floating before him. Her form; large and plump. Arms as thick as the tree trunks in the forest around them, wings like those of an aging moth.
"Who are you...?" Whispered the young troll. "Are you my fairy godmother?"
"Not quite" replied the fairy, the skin tags on her enormous cheeks flapping as she spoke.
"I am the Fairy Trollmother..."
The young troll stared at her, confused by what was happening. "The fairy Trollmother? I have never heard of such a thing" he responded.
"The best-kept secrets are the ones you don't know of!" said the fairy Trollmother with a twinkle in her eye. She winked at him with a heavily caked on blue eyelid, then gently floated closer to him. "You are searching for something aren't you, young one?" she continued.
"Well..." the young troll began, trying not to stare at the cluster of warts upon her nose that were now in clear view.
"I've always wanted to be an adventurer, but I cannot find anyone willing to even speak to me".
The fairy Trollmother rested a hand on her three chins as she pondered his response, before eventually saying "I understand. Not being able to fulfil your dream due to the way you were born is one of life’s cruelest jokes.”
The troll looked into her sad, desolate eyes and recognized the pain he had come to know all too well.
“What was your dream?” he asked.
“My dream?” she said, clearly caught off guard by the question.
“Well, I’ve always loved to sing... I have dreamt of one day singing on stage with a handsome pianist performing alongside me. But alas, I never could find anybody who was willing, due to my appearance". The fairy stopped, realizing how much she had said.
"Nevermind that though." she added lightly, turning her attention back to the young troll before her. "So what is it sparking this desire of your's for adventure, young one? Do you want the fame from your accomplishment? the riches for you to earn? Or maybe just an escape from a mundane life?"
The young troll took a step back, both from the directness of the question and the impossible odour of her breath.
"None of those reasons if I'm honest" replied the young troll.
"I've always wanted to make my parents proud, even though they left before I could do it for them to see. I want to overcome a challenge no one else could, to help someone in need and be an inspiration to others."
The fairy Trollmother smiled as she let some air out of an unknown orifice.
"And what an inspiration you are" she chuckled lightly, causing her skin folds to reveal some sort of discolored substance building up in between them.
"I think I can help you, young one".
As the Fairy Trollmother said this, she fluttered upwards into the moonlight, raised an arm and let out an uncomfortable puff of glitter.
"I will create for you an adventure more astounding than ones from any story you have ever heard or told. One fit for a troll such as yourself."
The young troll was left speechless by the fairy's words. "Do you really mean it?" he stammered, barely containing his wild excitement.
"Of course, young one." She replied as she slowly floated back down to meet his gaze. "But..."
The excitement within the young troll was quickly replaced by dread that this opportunity was too good to be true. “But what?” he responded.
"There is a price to this adventure." finished the Fairy Trollmother, sweat forming on her face from the effort of keeping herself afloat.
The young troll's stomach dropped. He had been alone for so many years with no home or possessions, and as a result, had nothing to give. "I'm sorry" he began. "I have nothing I could offer you of worth".
The fairy Trollmother laughed, causing her excessive jewelry to bounce as her whole body jiggled and creaked. "I do not wish to ask for any possessions, young one" she said. "If I create this adventure for you, the cost will be that you must finish it for me."
At this, the young troll's face lit up with glee once again.
"Of course fairy Trollmother! I promise I will see your adventure through to the end!"
"Good." Responded the Fairy Trollmother. “Do you accept the terms I have set?”
The young troll was too lost in his excitement of the situation to give it a second thought. "I accept!" He proclaimed.
"Then it is done" declared the Fairy Trollmother with a flick of her wrist.
"After you sleep tonight, you will awaken at the beginning of your adventure."
The young troll watched as she slowly flew around him, producing more glitter from questionable areas of her body, which began to build up in the air around them.
"Your adventure will consist of three challenges you must overcome. The first will have you travel through an ancient crypt, solving puzzles deep under the Earth" as she said this, the glitter formed the image of a long cave full of contraptions. "The next will defy the laws of nature and have you see through the veil of reality itself." The young troll watched as the glitter now shifted to reveal a broken mountain full of ominous doorways. "The third will have you uncover the mysteries of a long lost garden in the sky, containing a priceless treasure at its center." Finally, the image of a beautiful, lush garden within the clouds was formed. With this, the dust dispersed and faded into the night.
The young troll couldn't believe his eyes. He had searched for so long to no avail, and now just as he had given up, an adventure more perfect than he could have ever hoped for was granted to him.
"I cannot thank you enough-" the young troll began, but the Fairy Trollmother cut him off.
"There is no need to thank me, young one, our deal is set and your adventure begins. Do not forget to uphold your end of the bargain, or you will owe me the same deed in return".
"Wait, what do you mean?" Asked the young troll, confused as he tried to think of anything he may have missed in his rash excitement. But very quickly it was becoming difficult for him to think as his eyelids began feeling droopy and his vision faded.
"Sleep now" whispered the Fairy Trollmother as she watched him slowly collapse to the ground. "You will need the rest for your big day tomorrow."
And with that, the young troll was fast asleep.
"Can I have one more story?"
The troll's mother smirked before gently sitting down at the end of her son's bed.
"I think three is my limit for tonight" she answered, beginning to tuck the small troll into his bed. "I'll tell you more stories tomorrow".
"But muuuuum... I don't think I have a limit"
The mother chuckled and looked into her son's innocent eyes. At only 8 years old, she envied his ignorance of the world around them. How tough it was for a family like theirs.
"You sure do love your tales of adventure, don't you? she said as she finished tucking him in.
"Well I need to learn all I can if I am going to be as good as dad was!"
The mother ran her fingers through her son's hair and smiled again
"In that case, you'll need to learn not to make the same mistakes your father did."
"What were they?"
"There are two important lessons he did not learn. First, never accept an offer that sounds too good to be true. You never know what someone's true intentions are, so do not rush into something without thinking."
"Okay mum, I promise not to"
"That's a good boy"
"What about the other lesson?"
"Make sure to get enough sleep!" she said as she tickled him under his arms
The son giggled and fought her off.
"Okay fine, no more stories for tonight."
“See, you’re already learning.” she said as she leaned in and kissed her son on the forehead. “Goodnight, I love you”
"Nighty night, I love you too."
She stood up and walked over to the bedroom door, then turned back to face him as she stepped out of the bedroom.
"Sleep well" she said, "you will need all the rest you can get for your big day tomorrow."
As she pulled the door to, the mother watched her son close his eyes with a smile, ready to dream of adventure. She hoped that he would one day find a way to forgive her, but was at least glad that their last conversation together had been so nice.
Then the door shut and all the light left the room.
~~~The young troll began slowly feeling his body again as he awoke, and the pain that came with it.
He opened his eyes and blinked a few times, unsure if he had actually opened them or not. There was only darkness. The young troll reluctantly sat up on the hard floor he had been laying on, discovering there was indeed some light to be seen. Three pathways split off before him, each leading to some sort of visible portal. The rest of the area however seemed to be made of pure darkness. The walls, ceiling and floor he sat on were completely and utterly black. No reflection, no visible surface. Just blackness.
Thinking back, he tried to remember how he had gotten there. But could only recall the Fairy Trollmother's last words to him before he suddenly became impossibly tired. The young troll slowly stood up, taking in the situation he had found himself in. He quickly came to the conclusion that these pathways must be the three challenges the Trollmother had spoken of.
As the memory of what the Fairy Trollmother had said came back to him, his excitement quickly returned as well. Here before him was an adventure he had dreamed of since his long distant bedtime stories as a child.
A long crypt of puzzles, a broken mountain of mysteries and a lost garden of treasures.
Taking a deep breath, the young troll thought of his parents, wishing they could be around to hear his story when he returned home.
“This is it” he thought to himself. “Time to make them proud”.
Stepping forward, he decided to enter the portal on his left and began to approach it through a strange magenta haze. The anxiety and pressure he felt of finally being here, the culmination of his life’s journey, it almost made him hesitate. But he pushed those feelings down and allowed new confidence to surge up inside him, ready to tackle the first challenge. He was finally on his adventure.
He stepped through the portal, emerged out the other end, and walked straight into a pillar of spikes.
He was dead.
~~~The young troll’s eyes shot open as he gasped in terror. Once again there was only darkness.
Was he dead? Had he died? He sat up and saw that the three pathways were once again before him.
Unable to even begin an attempt to comprehend what was happening, the young troll unsteadily got back up and headed over to the portal on his left once again. Could what had happened been just a dream? Could he really be back here alive if it had been real?
He approached the portal for what he believed to be the second time and very slowly stepped through it again.
Suddenly there was a spiked pillar inches from his face. He froze just in time to avoid impaling himself for what was already once too many, carefully sidestepping to safety.
The young troll looked beyond the unforgivingly placed trap, to what he recognized as the crypt the Fairy Trollmother had shown him a glimpse of. He looked back at the spikes. Had the fairy Trollmother cast a spell to protect him from death? Was resurrecting a part of the challenge? If so, had he now failed? Or was his fatal mistake just the first of many in a challenge of trial and error? Whichever it may be, he decided he wasn’t going to try his luck again.
Now past the first hurdle of his adventure, the young troll was faced with a long chasm with only a single platform on the far end for him to jump to.
Taking a run-up, the troll sprinted as fast as his stubby legs would carry him and leaped through the air. He slammed into the side of the platform, but ignored the pain and quickly pulled himself up. He took a breath of relief for this small victory and prepared for his next jump. Then he blew up.
The troll woke up screaming in confusion, back within the darkness of the three pathways. He sat for a while, breathing heavily. His mind racing with incomprehensible thoughts. Eventually, the young troll stood up and walked back to the entrance shrouded in magenta. Stepping through the portal, he began planning his next move to get over the chasm, but instead walked into the pillar of spikes again.
The troll wasted no time sitting up, his fear and confusion starting to become replaced with frustration and irritation.
The young troll decided he’d come back to that challenge, thinking that the others must be more forgiving. Maybe he had chosen the most difficult path first?
Walking forward this time, the troll entered a room full of lava, discovering that the entrance portal for this challenge was busy swinging up above him, pushed by an invisible force. The troll took a deep breath and began.
Many days passed. The young troll had died and reawoken in the dark place more times than he could remember. He hadn’t even cared to keep track anymore. When he did finally solve the swinging portal, he had found himself in a Mountain splintered in and out of existence. Its occupancy in the universe was fractured and unpredictable.
The young troll had met death too many times in this place, learning that there wasn’t a single course of action he could take that couldn’t end up killing him in some unforeseen way.
After countless attempts within the Mountain, the young troll had once again given up temporarily and decided to tackle the third challenge.
Here the young troll found a lush, pleasant garden. He could feel the soft sunlight casting down through the trees, listen to the birds chirping, and relax in what looked like a beautiful, peaceful sanctuary.
But that could not have been further from the truth.
When he began trying to reach his goal, a button for him to press on the far side of the garden, the true nature of this place had become apparent to him.
Platforms moved and shifted, barrels lunged at him as if somehow filled with hatred, and just when he thought he had finally figured out the pattern, the garden seemed to change its method and abuse the young troll in an all new way.
He was tired. He was beaten both emotionally and physically. He tried and tried so hard to complete even just one of the challenges, but he had been here for 5 weeks now and had nothing to show for it.
He had tried to find the correct switch in the puzzle crypt, he had burnt himself out on the colour wheel within the broken mountain and he had fought to make it past the mouth-like platform in the garden full of misconceptions.
He slowly opened his eyes as he lay against the cold, dark floor. There was no longer any motivation remaining within him to stand up and face the three challenges once again.
He laid there for what could have been days, staring into the black void above.
The only movement being from a warm tear slowly rolling down the side of his face.
He had been played for a fool. This wasn’t an adventure, it was torture. A game that despised the player for trying to play it.
“I give up” he said in a voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
Once those words were uttered, a bright glow cut through the darkness surrounding the young troll. With a squelch and a burst of stench that smelled of old iron, the Fairy Trollmother had returned.
The Troll’s bloodshot, dry eyes scratched against the insides of their sockets as he moved them to look at her.
“Hello again young one...” the Fairy Trollmother said to him.
The young troll didn’t respond but instead continued to stare her down through sunken, unblinking eyes. The only evidence that he was even still alive being the audible, laboured breath as his chest rose and fell.
The Fairy Trollmother began to open her mouth in an attempt to ask what was wrong.
“You tricked me.” He suddenly said, his parched lips cracking as they moved.
The Trollmother began to float around him, a triumphant smile spread across her face.
“My dear.. Whatever do you speak of?” she replied, barely hiding her amusement of the situation.
“You sent me into this god awful creation of yours knowing I wouldn’t be able to finish it.” the young troll murmured, still not bothering to blink as he stared at the Trollmother with raw hatred.
“Oh don’t be silly young one-”
“Cut the crap you flying rat. If you didn’t want me to finish this adventure so badly, why protect me from death? Would have been easier to just let me die the first time, 30 seconds into this nightmare.”
The Fairy Trollmother was in too good of a mood to bother acknowledging the young troll’s harsh words. “Well you would be no good to me dead now would you?”
“And what exactly am I good for?” the young troll replied, still not moving anything except his mouth as he spoke.
The fairy looked down upon him laying on his back. “For upholding your end of the bargain of course”
“The hell are you talking about? I’m not doing anything for you after this crapshow of an adventure”
“Oh is that so?” The fairy Trollmother said, whipping out her wand and flicking out a bunch of glitter. Suddenly the young troll was forced up onto his feet
“The hell are you doing? Get your gross glitter off of me you freak”
“Hush now, is that any way to speak to your stage partner?”
The young troll’s eyes narrowed at her. “Excuse me?”
“You agreed to the deal, I would make your dream come true and you would complete my adventure. Since you have not done so, you now owe me the same in return.”
“What? You want me to make you an adventure now?”
“No you idiot, you will help make my dream come true.”
The troll thought for a second, then his eyes widened when the realization came to him.
“Oh hell no, you think I’m going to help you sing?”
“Of course not. You will help me perform. You will be my pianist that allows my dream performance to finally happen.”
The young troll was now re-energized by the anger that took hold of him.
“That’s all this was ever about, wasn’t it? It was all just a scam to get you what you want!”
“Of course not. You failed your end of the bargain. Do not pin this on me.”
“Shut your disgusting mouth up! You already admitted you wanted me alive, so it was all part of your plan. You sent me on this hopeless adventure knowing there was no way I could finish it. The whole damn thing is designed to avoid being finished!”
“You are trying to find an excuse to avoid the responsibility of your failure” she replied
“Like hell I am! You lured me in with the false promise it would be my dream come true, but in reality it was a ploy for you to get yours!” the young troll snapped back.
“And what if it was? Do my dreams not matter? Why should a young naive child such as yourself deserve to have their dream come true before mine?”
“Because I actually tried to work for mine! I searched for months and went through the torment of being an outcast. All you did was trick someone else into having to fulfill your dream for you.”
“Are you trying to suggest I didn’t try to work for my dream?” the Fairy Trollmother responded, her anger now beginning to match that of the young troll’s.
“I am much older than you. I was on this earth before your grandparents were even conceived. I have spent DECADES trying to bring to life what I’ve dreamt of since I was a child. What right do you have to suggest I don’t deserve mine?”
“In that case, you should have some understanding and pity for me! Instead, you’ve tried to pull off some sort of super elaborate kidnapping attempt.”
“I have no pity for you. You gave up on your dreams after mere months of trying compared to my many, many years. You threw it all away when you decided to climb that cliff and end it all. I didn’t show up that night to save you from yourself, I showed up because I thought if your dreams are over, you may as well be of some use and help mine be a reality instead of being dead.”
“You let life turn you into a cruel, bitter person” the young troll muttered under his breath.
“As I said, life is cruel to people just for being born a certain way. Especially to outcasts like us. In turn, you learn to play by its rules.”
The Fairy Trollmother flicked her wrist and brought the young troll closer to her.
“But enough of this chitchat, it’s time we got to work.”
“You can’t do this! I’m not going to be your prisoner!” yelled the young troll, his anger becoming fear and desperation.
“Oh I can, and you will. You shall be my pianist until your end of the bargain is fulfilled.” the Fairy Trollmother replied, flicking her wand and opening a portal in front of them.
“But how am I supposed to fulfill it if I am forced to perform with you?” the young troll asked, the fear now obvious in his eyes.
“Well, you’ll just have to hope that maybe someday, far in the future, another adventurer will stumble upon my challenges and complete them for you.”
With this, the Fairy Trollmother smiled at the young troll as he struggled to escape the magic holding him in the air. He began to scream and yell, pleading for mercy.
The Fairy Trollmother floated over to her portal and forced the young troll to follow behind her. He wailed in anguish as he fought in vain to free himself as the portal drew closer. He cried out for his mum and dad, but it was no use.
The Fairy Trollmother, with the young troll towed behind her, disappeared through the closing portal, leaving nothing but the puddle of the young troll’s tears in the darkness.
And so the young troll had lost.
Enslaved by the Fairy Trollmother, he spent all of his future days bound to a chair, forever to play the piano as his captor sang her dream song.
Some say they are both still out there somewhere, performing to this very day.
The once young troll still holds out hope that another adventurer will someday find the fairy troll mother’s deceptive challenges and finally bring an end to his torment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Please complete the map to see the gripping conclusion of this classic tale.